The End

I’m done with this. I’m tired of seeing people die. I’m tired of being wrong and not being able to do anything about it. I’m tired.

I’m done. do you hear me?

I’m going to counseling because of Tallie. I’m back with my parents. I don’t know if I’ll go back to school. If I do, I’ll probably transfer somewhere new. I’m leaving, see?

But this story is over.

Goodbye. Will you leave me alone now?

Failure

I've done it again. I've failed another person. And this time it was my one and only friend. Tallie's dead. Even with all the precautions the hospital took, she managed to kill herself. I don't know how she got a hold of the supplies to do it with, but somehow she managed to do it.

There was probably some Fear activity in that. At least, that's what I'd like to think. Tallie couldn't have been that desperate. I refuse to believe it.

I don't think I can do this any more.

Message From Tallie

Tallie finally contacted me. I'm both relieved and worried at the same time. At least I know where she is. Earlier today she called me and told me that she'd checked herself in to a mental hospital. This is basically what she said:

"Hey, [Silent], I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. I'm sorry for everything.You’ve been a really good friend to me, and I know you wanted to help me. I guess you probably could have if I’d given you the chance. This has been going on for a while. I could see that you needed a friend, and I’m sorry that friend was me. You just seemed so lonely, and I couldn't help myself. This was inevitable, really. I won’t be here much longer. Sorry.  Just… be quiet... SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT WILL YOU? They won’t go away, [Silent]. They never will. I don't really have much of a choice anymore. Don’t forget that you’re a good person. Even if you don’t think so."

She didn't give me a chance to say anything. She just gave her speech and then hung up. I contacted the hospital right after she ended the call and made sure they understood her suicidal tendencies. They won't let me visit right now, because they're still doing some evaluations on her, but I'm hoping I'll be able to talk to her again soon.

Homeless

I had to leave the apartment. The mold was starting to spread, so I packed some clothes for both me and Tallie. I don't have a car, but I have a little money, so I'm staying at a cheap hotel sort of nearby. I've been looking through the city nonstop, but I still haven't found any trace of Tallie.

I've sent messages to her email account, facebook, cell phone, everything I could think of. She hasn't replied.

How can I be so blind?

Why can I never see these things coming? I've been looking so hard for Fear activity. I've been looking everywhere.

Maybe that's why I can't see what is right in front of me.

I went through Tallie's room more thoroughly yesterday. I was looking for some sort of clue pertaining to where she is. While I was doing so, I found mold. Everywhere. It was gray and fuzzy and all over the floors and the air vent. Either that stuff spreads extremely quickly or it has been there for a very long time.

Tallie's room is the only one in the apartment that is infected with it. I really need to find her. I've been trying to think of places she might be. I'm going to start checking them out tonight.

Why didn't she tell me about this?

…Lost…

Tallie is gone. After she didn’t come out of her room for a few days I was worried, so I picked the lock and went in. It was empty. Her stuff was strewn across the floor. The window was open. There was no note.

What is happening?

What do I do?

All Alone

Tallie hasn’t been leaving her room. I’m really worried. Maybe she’s finally gotten tired of me. I’ve been too clingy lately. She probably realizes what a shitty friend I am.

God, I don’t even know what being a friend really means.